Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
