I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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