margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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