I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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