you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
