Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
