So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
