Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
