He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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