i just wanna soil my oats bro
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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