He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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