She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
