I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
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