Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
