Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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