idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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