you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
