i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
