Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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