I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
