Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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