i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
