i will never coherently bang her
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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