dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
