Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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