wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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