I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
