Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
