Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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