when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
