God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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