just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sext me about skeletons
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
