So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Houston, we have a squirter
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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