From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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