My sheets look like a crime scene.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
