My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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