i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
