...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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