i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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