Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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