Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
