none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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