That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
