dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
