we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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