dude i'm inner monologue high
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
