shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
