last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
