How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She made me pour olive oil on her.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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