It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
