so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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